


Divine

by 17losers



Series: At the end it's just us, isn't it ? [3]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mention of Han Jisung, Seungmin is Going Through It, Texting, but there’s some crying, comforting felix, cute felix, felix best boy, he has a hard time accepting himself as he is, i still don’t know how to tag, idk if i should consider it angst, it ends well tho, ok im done with tags, poor baby, seungmin is dealing with past traumas, seungmin ran away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:00:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28082046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/17losers/pseuds/17losers
Summary: To hyunnie🌟 : i miss youTo hyunnie🌟 : oh sorry i already said thatTo hyunnie🌟 : but i really do
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin & Kim Seungmin, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Series: At the end it's just us, isn't it ? [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2037181
Comments: 3
Kudos: 41





	Divine

**Author's Note:**

> helloooo !! here’s part 3 of ATEIJUIT ( yes im too lazy to spell it out ) !! if you haven’t read the two previous parts its fine! you should be able to read this one without any problem! it’d be nice if you did read the other ones tho ;)) !! anyways, enjoy ! see u at the end :)

Seungmin had been thinking way too much for his own good. His mind deafening, making him lose focus on the simplest things. All he could think about was _why the hell_ did he kiss his best friend out of impulse and how it had probably ruined everything between them.

It seemed like it was all only in his mind though. The said best friend, Hyunjin, had been acting as if nothing had happened. He had been doing his daily tasks as if Seungmin’s idea of them was not changing colors and shapes by the minute. 

It was making the younger crazy. His hands kept shaking, the knot that had been living in his stomach forever grew painfully tighter and the ache of Hyunjin’s silence made its way in his heart.

He wished he knew what that silence meant. He wished he could read Hyunjin has easily as the latter could read him. He wished he could go back in time and stop himself from tasting Hyunjin’s lips.

The worst part in all of this wasn’t even feeling himself shatter from the inside, nor was it the thought of Hyunjin secretly hating him. The worst was that it wasn’t enough. 

The kiss didn’t last long enough, it didn’t feel soft enough, it didn’t make him fuzzy enough, it didn’t feel warm enough. It wasn’t enough, he wanted more. And he hated himself for it.

He felt nauseous thinking about it. He felt wrong and corrupt. Everything about him felt like a mistake. He couldn’t handle it.

So he ran away. 

Two blocks away.

Seungmin had messily packed a bag, eyes watering and mouth parted as he struggled to breathe. He ran down the street, trying to make his feet slam the ground loud enough to keep his mind quiet. 

When he reached his destination he knocked on the door, hoping his friend would be there. 

And he was.

Felix had opened the door innocently, his eyes widening at the sight of a breathless Seungmin. He took him in without questions and let him stay for a couple days, still without questions.

  
It had happened before. Seungmin feeling overwhelmed and running to the nearest place where he would be able to feel the tiniest bit of safety. It had happened a lot before he met Hyunjin.

But never after.

When what seemed to be a week had passed with Seungmin bursting in tears in the middle of conversations, dropping cups from his shaky hands and sleeping his days away, Felix decided it was time to ask. 

“Seung ?” He tried, sitting across the boy eating ramen. 

The day had been pretty uneventful, Seungmin had slept and had tried to catch up on his missing assignments, unsuccessfully. Felix had been watching his friend being dull, waiting for a good time to ask the latter what was going on. 

Seungmin hummed, not lifting his head nor giving any sign that he was truly paying attention.

It broke Felix’s heart to see his friend like this again. He really thought it wouldn’t happen since Seungmin had met and moved in with Hyunjin. The pair seemed to be perfect for each other, they were the missing part they both needed, Felix thought. Maybe he was wrong after all.

“Did Hyunjin hurt you ?” Felix let out after a moment.

If Seungmin wasn’t paying attention before, he sure was now. He looked up across the table, giving a panicked look to his friend.

“You don’t have to go into details Seung, i just need to know it’s going to be okay.” Felix quickly added, seeing the colors being drained from his friend’s face.

“I..I..” Seungmin stuttered, hands slowly growing shaky. 

Felix gave him a reassuring smile, encouraging him to continue.

“I.. I think i.. I think i ruined it.” 

“What are you talking about ?”

The younger let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“I kissed him.” He whispered.

“You what ? I didn’t catch that Seung.”

“I kissed Hyunjin.” He said.

Felix, who had tensed up somewhere between the start of the conversation and Seungmin’s confession, felt his muscles relax. He had been creating ten thousand scenarios in his head as to why Seungmin would show up at his place without warning, looking as lost and tired as he did.

It felt somewhat nice to say it out loud, Seungmin thought. He had been trying to repress the past few days unsuccessfully and saying it out loud to someone he trusted made it a bit easier to accept. _He had kissed Hyunjin._

“Is it a bad thing ?” Felix simply asked.

It was a bad thing. It may have had ruined everything he had built with Hyunjin, it may have made Hyunjin realize that something was wrong with Seungmin. But it didn’t feel like a bad thing. Hyunjin lips on his didn’t feel like a bad thing, and he wanted more of it still.

“He didn’t say anything.” 

“Have you tried to talk to him about it ?”

“I’m scared he might hate me.”

Felix chuckled, loving eyes on Seungmin. If Hyunjin was capable of hating someone, it sure wasn’t Seungmin. Everyone knew it. Everyone saw it.

It was something in the way Hyunjin always knew how to make Seungmin feel better without even saying a word. It was in the way the older always made his name resonate out Seungmin’s mouth without even being there. It was in the way he made Seungmin stop shaking, in the way he made Seungmin not so fearful of the world. Everyone saw it. Everyone knew it. 

“I’m positive he doesn’t.”

“How can you be so sure ?” Seungmin said with a shaky voice.

“He’s worried about you, Seung.”

“You talked to him ?”

“No, Jisung did. He told me. He’s very worried.”

“Oh..” Seungmin let out.

He didn’t know what to think. He never really did. Most of the time it was his common sense against his stupid anxiety, and the anxiety was loud, so loud. He had thought that maybe Hyunjin wasn’t mad, that maybe Hyunjin didn’t even care or recall that he had pressed his lips against his. But every time his brain would convince him that yes, Hyunjin was mad at him for doing something so gross and that yes, he remembered and that he didn’t want anything to do with Seungmin anymore. 

After all, who kisses their best friend out of nowhere ?

“Do you like him ?”

Seungmin was taken aback by the sudden question. He had never really thought about it until recently and it being mentioned by someone else than himself in his head felt weird. 

And comforting.

Comforting because maybe it was okay to. He had had plenty of time to think about why he had kissed Hyunjin. Most of the time he concluded that it was because he had a passion for sabotaging everything good that came his way, but he did contemplate the idea of feeling something toward his best friend, no matter how wrong it sounded.

“Do..Do i have the right to ?”

“Oh Seungmin..” Felix sadly spoke.

Felix knew why Seungmin was beating himself up over a single kiss and he felt ache grow in his heart. His friend deserved better than what he had been given for the many agonizing years before he had moved out from his parents home. 

“You do. You have the right to like whoever you want.” He continued.

At that, Seungmin broke in tears. It wasn’t bad, nor was it good. It was just him relieving himself, Felix knew it.

“I swear it’s okay.” Felix softly spoke after a few moments.

“I.. I am very scared Felix.” Seungmin managed to let out as he tried to calm his breathing.

Felix got up from his seat and walked over to his friend, pulling him up in a hug. Seungmin cried on his friend shoulder, muttering what Felix understood as broken thank yous and apologies.

“You should tell him, Seung. I know it’s hard but you can’t hide here forever.” 

Seungmin understood and nodded at what Felix said but he needed time to understand what his feelings were. He now knew it was okay to like Hyunjin but he needed to _accept it._

Seungmin broke the embrace, his face flushed red from crying. Felix looked at him with a fond smile. 

“I must look absolutely divine right now.” Seungmin chuckled out between sniffles.

Felix laughed.

“No one even says divine.” 

♡︎

To hyunnie🌟 : i’m sorry i left like that, i miss you a lot and i think i want to come back home and be with you, felix is nice but he plays video games until very late and doesn’t hug me at night

To hyunnie🌟 : i hope you’re not mad at me, i’ll understand if you are, and if you are it’s okay, i might cry a little bit but i understand, i hope you’re okay 

To hyunnie🌟 : i miss you 

To hyunnie🌟 : oh sorry i already said that 

To hyunnie🌟 : but i really do

From hyunnie🌟 : i’m on my way to felix’s, did you eat ? want me to pick something up on the way ?

From hyunnie🌟 : i miss you too

**Author's Note:**

> ayeee !! thank u for making it til here ! thats very swag of you me thinks :p 
> 
> this whole thing wasn’t planned at all, i was supposed to write a very fluffy thing but after three days of rewriting it i decided to settle on a sadder(?) alternative lol, i hope u liked it ! reminder that i am writing a hyunsunglix christmas au on my twitter account @BB0MGGYU ! and my stan is @LGBTXTZY !! thank u again for reading! pls leave a comment and/or kudos if u liked it ! see u on the next one :)


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